The List.....

After sitting here for over twelve hours, I have come to the conclusion.....I don't want to sit here for over twelve hours. I've also decided that there are some things I should have brought, but didn't. And thus, I have devised a list of things that I shall bring next time. Let the list commence:
1.) Cash. Debit cards due you no good in this information/technological age of....paper currency. I remember seeing a Visa CheckCard commercial a few years ago. All these people are going through a cafeteria line and paying with one swipe of their CheckCard. That is until the guy with cash comes by and slows the line down. I'm sorry, but I don't see the same thing happening at a vending machine. In fact, in the line to the vending machine, the man with a debit card, and a hope for food, is a fool among kings. That is if the rest of the people have cash. duh.
2.) Butt pillows. Yes. I said it. I've been sitting in this same chair for nearly 4 hours. I was sitting in the other one for the other near ten hours. My butt hurts.
3.) Alternatively: my own chair. I have a chair I got at Walmart from the sporting goods section--folds up, goes anywhere with you. That is the one I will bring next time. Yes, I may look like a redneck, but my butt won't hurt. Besides, that's what those chairs are made for.
4.) A cooler full of food. Again, 12+ hours and I've had only one real meal. That beats my wife however. Well, a bag of clear liquid may count as a meal. The desert did look a little yummy. But the run to Arby's was quite expensive and a cooler full of PB&J could have cut that cost to a fraction. Plus the right size cooler could have made number one on this list obsolete.
5.) A tent. Yes, a tent, accompanied by a sleeping bag and pillow. I've been eyeing the "pullout chair" all day, and that doesn't give me the most comfort to think they want me to sleep like Hannibal Lecture, snugged into a small chair. (If you could see it, you'd understand).
6.) A recording of me saying, "I'll call you when he gets here." We've had people repeatedly call and ask how much he ways or how it went. We said we'd call you when he got here and we will. I'm pondering picking up that phone and dialing those same number at three in the morning.
7.) Video Game System (accompanied TV if the hospital requires it). Do you know how many levels I could have beaten in 14 hours of play? A lot. In fact, I think I beat Metal Gear Solid 2 in less than that on the first play through. I have books, a laptop, paper, pencils, and pens, yet still...the urge to press the X,Y, L2, R2 buttons cries out from somewhere deep within.
8.) A trampoline. I swear....14 hours and nothing? Come on. A good ol' fashioned trampoline will not only get that boy out, but it will get him started on a career in the sports industry. Sure, it'll be a gymnast, but at least he won't be in band. Just kidding. Band folk are good people.
    There are more....I'm sure, but honest, the feeling in my buttocks won't let me concentrate. Keep in touch, RSS, add to favorites, and all that good stuff for updates on how the baby is doing.

The Wait....

   It is now 9:36 PM as I start writing this. At 9:36 AM I had been waiting in the hospital for nearly two hours. I had high expectations. Those expectations were dashed....well, 12 hours later, no later. We are still sitting here, waiting, wondering why our little baby boy won't pop out and say "Hello World." Or at least "Waaaa, waaa......"
   I'm sitting here wondering what else I could do? I have already offered the baby half of my son's toys, then all of his toys, then all of my toys....and yet nothing. I have tried to lure him out with a dollar bill, but apparently he knows I only have a dbit card and thus, can't even get something from the vending machines. I've tried telling him to go toward the light, but apparently the though of being cold, naked, and your eyes being blinded by a light you've never seen, nor imagined is more overpowering than some man he's never seen.
    We've sat all day, hoping, pleading for the child to exit with our perfect plan of delivery and recovering while watching House on Fox, yet that too was vanquished when he decided to...yep, stay inside. It has a faint resemblance to the scene in Happy Gilmore when Happy wants the ball to go in the hole--it's home. Inversely, we want it to come out of the hole.
     We've just been informed the doctor has returned, I'm sure from watching a triple feature movie, to check on us. Yet it seems that she could leave for the night, grab a latte' in the morning, catch an early show and still be back before he decided to jump out.
     My wife is in a state of on-again-off-again sleep, wishing the baby would pop out, pop out like pop tarts do from a toaster. We've talked to him, asked him, demanded from him, pleaded with him, and after all this, one thought comes to my mind: Why won't they let her jump on a trampoline. I swear I saw it work on Youtube.